More Subbing Stories

I subbed today...elementary...resource room. I told Josh I wasn't going to work elementary unless, it was something easy like resource room, and there was nothing else available...well wouldn't you know what was available this morning...resource room. Mainly the reason I don't like to teach in the class, is because the idea of 20-30 elementary school kids scares me. Resource room I can handle. Few kids come in, you help them read, the math is easy, and you send them on their merry way. I admit the main reason why I like to sub middle and high school is because the majority of teachers...like those who read this blog...will have video/worksheet/play on the computer day when they are gone. This allows me to do more important things like Sudoku and crossword puzzles. Subbing for elementary...you know you have to teach, and dare I say...even make a difference, because if you don't, it's suddenly Romper Room, and you are hearing 50 stories about their friend's cousin's uncle who broke his ankle doing something stupid...and have to pretend like it's really interesting.

The Teacher's definitely complain about different things. For example, I overheard this conversation..."I had to send Johnny to the office, because he was drinking the paint water during art today." I was like, "Yeah, that's like the time I had the officer remove a kid because he called me a racist and wouldn't stop yelling black power....no?...not the same?"...I will say one thing I do like about elementary kids, is the fact that they have no concept of age. This one kid I helped today asked me if I was in high school or college. I could have cried. I was like, ahhh, you're sweet...I'm in college. I mean, you gotta boost that self-esteem...mine, not his.

Working 9 to 5...

Or 8 to 3:15...whatever. So, last Friday as I was packing to leave for KC for my 10 year high school reunion...which will be another blog, once I get my camera back...long story. We receive a phone call...early...so early that Josh assumes it's a telemarketer. She askes for RiANNeh....which apparently is what Ryann looks to sound out as. Josh, lays into the woman..."Who's RiANNeh?"...the poor woman fumbling starts trying other names...RyANN, Reeannuh, Reena...because apparently "Ryan" is a foreign name in Iowa. Josh finally realizes that it's not a telemarketer hands me the phone. It's a sub job...for the booming metroplis of West Branch, Iowa...home of Herbert Hoover. Why do I know this? Because the 30 seconds it took to drive through the town there was about 20 signs that made reference to it. So....I have a job 4 days this week at the high school. I went today not real sure what I was doing. She said they needed help with their ITED testing...which I pretty much assumed that stood for watching a spec. ed student pick the wrong answers on the standardized test while waiting for him/her to ask me to read the tough words like "standardized test."

Man, I thought sitting at home was boring...at least I could be in my sweats, and check my email. I basically worked 1 hour and sat for 6. Although tomorrow I might wear my sweats. I felt overdressed in my Khaki's and button down shirt. I was about to go crazy when I befriended the librarian and she showed me to the stack of People magazines. The last kid I sat with pretty much told me right away he didn't want help reading. I was like, fine with me...at that point, I was already into my second people magazine...which of course was how fat and crazy Brittany still is. I mean sure this kid asked to go to the bathroom and was gone for 30 min....but is Brittany ever going to get her life back on track for these kids?

Holy $#@*!!!!

This was pretty much my response when I saw this spider in my garage yesterday. It was not doing a very good job of hiding in the corner, since you know...it's GINORMOUS! That's my shoe in the pic. I mean this picture does no justice for the size of this thing, because at this point it is all shriveled up and dead. Death by spraying the F- out of it with Ortho Home defense Max. This was no easy task. I sprayed it in the corner, it took off under the car, made a run for it out of the garage, and half way down the driveway, with me spraying the whole time. Finally it quit moving. I mean, I don't know how long of a run that was in spider world, but let's just say a good couple miles for argument sake. So, I'm going to town on this thing, and look up to find all the construction workers that are building this house across the street are sitting in there truck staring at me like I'm crazy. Just wanted you all to know. Apparently, Iowa isn't just known for it's truck stops, and corn. Big ASS spiders is on the list as well.

Back to the doctor

Well the saga continues...just kidding, no saga. Christy said I had to blog after each appointment. I guess this would apply to my two rules I have given myself in the world of blogging. It either has to be informative, or funny. I will warn you now, this isn't going to be funny, so if that's the only reason you consider looking at my blog...you might want to check out Maria's. There is a picture of Jett next to a whiskey bottle the same size as him. That was pretty funny.

So, we went, and I figured they get up in your grill every visit...but I guess that's not true, because she didn't....and I told Josh that was a waste of a shave. I felt like I got all dressed up for nothing...but...I digress. We did get to hear the heartbeat which was nice. Apparently, sometimes this early you can't hear it through the stomach, so it was nice that we did. The first heartbeat was mine, and I was like oh, there it is!!! (Feeling smart)...and she goes...uh, no, that's your heartbeat. I was like...sorry I'm not a doctor. We did hear it, and it was very fast, she thought like 160, last time it was 150. I'm like dang, what is it doing in there, taking laps?

I also asked her about the previous sonogram which indicated extra amniotic fluid, and luteal cysts. She said the cysts, are the energy behind the gestational sac that the baby lives on until the umbilical cord develops, and the extra amniotic fluid isn't a big deal that early because the baby is not using that either. She said eventually the baby starts to breath it in, and then excretes it out through the kidneys, so later when they do the 20 week sonogram if there is extra amniotic fluid then...it is a concern.

Sooo...pretty much all this information makes me realize I know nothing about the female body or fetal development.